Why I disagree with Jeff Opdyke
Well, it's been ages since my last post, but I felt the need to reconnect with those (2) people who read my blog--hey James, hey Shaw! After reading other friends' posts, I decided to write about something I read, rather than fill everyone in on my work life (work, meeting, phones, email, nervous, reports, driving...)
So on to the post, with a bit of background: I have a love affair with the Love & Money column from the Wall Street Journal. I generally read this column because I appreciate the personal/emotional analysis of each investment/family finance decision that Mr. Opdyke makes and I enjoy reading the comments he solicits from others on his weekly subjects. Secretly, I am hoping that this weekly read will help me estimate the void of real-world financial information (i.e. mortgages, car loans, budgets, etc.) that I need to fill when I have "free time".
In this week's column, Mr. Opdyke writes about the financial and family planning stresses that come from kids' extracurricular pursuits. He provides information from two other couples who have children in sports/bands that require excessive travel & expenses for the family. Sadly, he did not provide comments from a family who denied their kid(s) the opportunity to intensify their recreational pursuit(s). While I imagine that we all see some of the benefits of providing kids with opportunities that not all of us had when we were growing up, it seems to me that most parents don't fully assess the impact of these intense activities on the family structure as a whole. Of course, not having children, I realize that I am not necessarily a fair critic, but I have many peers, friends and family members who have been pulled in 1,000 directions by the complex schedules of both the parents and the children and I have witnessed the strain that this causes. Perhaps my friend James will provide his insights, but from my perspective, it seems that the parents, as the responsible adults, should spend more time predicting some of the impacts of these increasingly complex family schedules before allowing the children to make decisions (or committments) that will sequester large amounts of family time.
To avoid the implication that things were idyllic "when I was a kid", I will spare you the anecdotes of my childhood experiences, but will point out that kids today have an exponentially-increasing amount of opportunities that will attract them. My fear is that by allowing kids to create complex schedules at young ages (7-13), we put them into adult routines before they are ready. It seems that we are allowing kids to recreate the hectiness of adult schedules when we let them become fanatical about a particular pursuit. I know that there are some kids who do really love their sport or hobby, and for those kids, they would choose their sport or hobby above ANYTHING else. But I think a lot of kids make committments to sports or hobbies out of habit/complacency and out of a desire to fit in with a society and peer environment that has become increasingly pressured and competitive. Kids need time to just be kids. By their nature, children are extremely inquisitive and creative and just as those traits are lost in most adults, so too, can they be lost in kids who live adult schedules. While I was teaching at the University of Michigan, the traits that most of my freshmen students did not have were creativity and problem-solving skills. They had received all of their learning in a highly structure school environment that had a specific pattern to follow. When I asked them to think outside that pattern in order to solve problems using laboratory experiments, they were lost, scared and generally unprepared.
I imagine that most adults feel that letting their children advance in extracurricular activities is the best thing to do for them, but I have to wonder if we haven't taken it too far. When these kids go off to college or careers, what life experiences and problem solving skills do they have outside of their team environment? Certainly sports build character and I highly value the teamwork and personal goals I achieved when I was in school, but those skills must be balanced with skills that are acquired through other learning environments.
Ok, I will get off my soapbox. I'm in a pick-it-apart kind of mood right now and I'm getting carried away. Talking too much isn't good for anyone; I would love to hear what others have to say.
So on to the post, with a bit of background: I have a love affair with the Love & Money column from the Wall Street Journal. I generally read this column because I appreciate the personal/emotional analysis of each investment/family finance decision that Mr. Opdyke makes and I enjoy reading the comments he solicits from others on his weekly subjects. Secretly, I am hoping that this weekly read will help me estimate the void of real-world financial information (i.e. mortgages, car loans, budgets, etc.) that I need to fill when I have "free time".
In this week's column, Mr. Opdyke writes about the financial and family planning stresses that come from kids' extracurricular pursuits. He provides information from two other couples who have children in sports/bands that require excessive travel & expenses for the family. Sadly, he did not provide comments from a family who denied their kid(s) the opportunity to intensify their recreational pursuit(s). While I imagine that we all see some of the benefits of providing kids with opportunities that not all of us had when we were growing up, it seems to me that most parents don't fully assess the impact of these intense activities on the family structure as a whole. Of course, not having children, I realize that I am not necessarily a fair critic, but I have many peers, friends and family members who have been pulled in 1,000 directions by the complex schedules of both the parents and the children and I have witnessed the strain that this causes. Perhaps my friend James will provide his insights, but from my perspective, it seems that the parents, as the responsible adults, should spend more time predicting some of the impacts of these increasingly complex family schedules before allowing the children to make decisions (or committments) that will sequester large amounts of family time.
To avoid the implication that things were idyllic "when I was a kid", I will spare you the anecdotes of my childhood experiences, but will point out that kids today have an exponentially-increasing amount of opportunities that will attract them. My fear is that by allowing kids to create complex schedules at young ages (7-13), we put them into adult routines before they are ready. It seems that we are allowing kids to recreate the hectiness of adult schedules when we let them become fanatical about a particular pursuit. I know that there are some kids who do really love their sport or hobby, and for those kids, they would choose their sport or hobby above ANYTHING else. But I think a lot of kids make committments to sports or hobbies out of habit/complacency and out of a desire to fit in with a society and peer environment that has become increasingly pressured and competitive. Kids need time to just be kids. By their nature, children are extremely inquisitive and creative and just as those traits are lost in most adults, so too, can they be lost in kids who live adult schedules. While I was teaching at the University of Michigan, the traits that most of my freshmen students did not have were creativity and problem-solving skills. They had received all of their learning in a highly structure school environment that had a specific pattern to follow. When I asked them to think outside that pattern in order to solve problems using laboratory experiments, they were lost, scared and generally unprepared.
I imagine that most adults feel that letting their children advance in extracurricular activities is the best thing to do for them, but I have to wonder if we haven't taken it too far. When these kids go off to college or careers, what life experiences and problem solving skills do they have outside of their team environment? Certainly sports build character and I highly value the teamwork and personal goals I achieved when I was in school, but those skills must be balanced with skills that are acquired through other learning environments.
Ok, I will get off my soapbox. I'm in a pick-it-apart kind of mood right now and I'm getting carried away. Talking too much isn't good for anyone; I would love to hear what others have to say.
posted by sara at
7:53 PM
1 Comments:
Hey Sara! Great post. I think you said it best with, “Kids need time to just be kids.” I agree with you that over-scheduling a child’s free time and making their lives hectic is a BIG mistake – both for parents and kids. Causing distress, stifling creativity, and leaving little time for curiosity and introspection would definitely not be on my list of ideal ways to raise a kid.
I guess the big question and maybe the hardest one for most parents to come to terms with is “How do I do what’s best for my child’s development?” I think when it comes to extracurricular activities, it’s wise to let kids try a wide variety of things and see what they gravitate towards. Kids tend to like doing things they’re 1) good at and 2) interested in. An ideal scenario would seem to involve identifying their strengths and nurturing their attributes or interests while at the same time making sure there’s still plenty of free time for them to “just be kids” and play. (As a side note, I’d vote against having kids play Little League baseball as most of the dads and coaches I’ve ever seen at these games are angry, super-macho, foul-mouthed, a-holes. Not usually a good environment for kids - unless it’s used as an example of how NOT to behave when you’re a grown-up. I guess Little League in and of itself isn’t “bad”, just the super competitive a-hole dads/coaches.)
There was an interesting cover story in the Atlantic Monthly a few years back called “The Organization Kid”. (If you’re curious, I’ll email a copy to you). It’s basic message was that involvement with many extracurricular activities can be great for kids in certain respects, but if there isn’t at least a bare minimum amount of down-time and introspection going on, then often there can be numerous detrimental side-effects such as a lack of creativity, obedience to authority, mental/physical illness, and workaholism.
By
James, at 9:01 AM
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